It is OK That You Are Not OK: 7 Brutal Truths That Will Change How You Grieve Forever
Grief is not a problem to be fixed. It is a reality to be acknowledged. Megan Devine’s groundbreaking book, It is OK That You Are Not OK, revolutionizes the way we perceive emotional pain. In this honest and deeply evocative reflection, I will walk you through the soul-aching truths of grief, compassion, and emotional authenticity.
As a society obsessed with comfort and positivity, we tend to sanitize mourning. Devine dares to speak the unspeakable: that some pain never goes away — and that is okay. It is OK That You Are Not OK is not merely a title; it is a declaration of emotional permission. Let us explore seven truths that can reshape your emotional world.
🔥 Truth #1: Grief Is Not a Problem to Be Solved
One of the most compelling messages of It is OK That You Are Not OK is that grief is not a mental illness. Modern wellness culture often treats pain as a pathology. Devine confronts this ideology, suggesting grief is not something to fix — it is something to carry.
She explains that pain does not need treatment, but rather presence. Instead of fixing someone, we should learn to witness them. This foundational idea from It is OK That You Are Not OK sets the tone for everything that follows.
“Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form,” writes Devine.
🧠 Truth #2: Emotional Pain is Not a Sign of Weakness
We live in a world that equates strength with stoicism. But It is OK That You Are Not OK dismantles that falsehood. According to Devine, emotional honesty is a form of bravery.
Those who grieve are not fragile — they are raw, exposed, and utterly authentic. They are doing the impossible: surviving the unbearable. The book teaches that showing up for one’s sorrow is not a failure, but a deep act of courage.
It is OK That You Are Not OK reminds us that vulnerability is not the opposite of strength — it is the essence of it.
💬 Truth #3: Platitudes Are Harmful, Not Helpful
“You will feel better soon.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “They are in a better place.” These phrases, meant to comfort, often silence the griever.
It is OK That You Are Not OK calls out these responses for what they are — reflexive attempts to avoid discomfort. Devine shows how these words invalidate the grieving person’s reality. Rather than soothing, they isolate.
She proposes radical honesty instead. “I don’t know what to say, but I am here,” is worth more than any inspirational quote. This is one of the many truths that It is OK That You Are Not OK cements.
🛡️ Truth #4: Grief Cannot Be Bypassed Through Positivity
Another crucial theme of It is OK That You Are Not OK is the danger of toxic positivity. We are often encouraged to find silver linings, to be grateful, to “stay strong.” But grief does not respond to slogans.
Devine explains that healing comes not through detachment but through allowing the pain to exist. She shows that bypassing grief only deepens it. The book validates emotional chaos as a normal, healthy part of the grieving process.
If anything, It is OK That You Are Not OK liberates readers from the tyranny of cheerfulness.
🌿 Truth #5: Healing Is Not a Linear Journey
Contrary to the “five stages of grief” model, It is OK That You Are Not OK insists that healing is chaotic and unpredictable. There is no straight line. There is no deadline.
One day may feel functional, the next unbearable. This inconsistency, Devine explains, is not regression — it is reality. She offers the griever something rare and precious: permission.
It is OK That You Are Not OK makes it clear — if you are still crying after six months, or two years, or five, you are not broken. You are human.
🔍 Truth #6: Society Often Fails the Grieving — And That’s a Tragedy
A major theme in It is OK That You Are Not OK is that most people, systems, and institutions fail those in grief. Well-meaning friends drift away. Workplaces offer brief condolences, then expect high performance.
Devine exposes the cruelty of these societal blind spots. She calls for cultural grief literacy — the ability to recognize, validate, and hold space for loss without judgment or repair.
Through its pages, It is OK That You Are Not OK becomes a manifesto for a more compassionate world.
🔥 Truth #7: Validation is More Healing Than Advice
Validation is one of the deepest emotional needs during grief. And yet, it is rarely offered. It is OK That You Are Not OK insists that being seen and believed is more healing than any advice.
When someone is drowning in sorrow, they do not need solutions. They need someone willing to sit beside them and not look away. Devine teaches us how to become that person.
This theme runs through the entire message of It is OK That You Are Not OK: do not try to fix the pain. Witness it.
🧠 The Language of Grief and the Power of Naming What Hurts
One of the most profound undercurrents of Megan Devine’s work lies in her linguistic precision. Grief often escapes articulation. There is an ineffable quality to deep sorrow, a voicelessness that can make the griever feel disconnected from the world. Devine counters this with deliberate, empathetic language that feels like a balm. She names what others avoid.
The beauty of It is OK That You Are Not OK lies not just in its message, but in how that message is delivered. Her writing does not rush. It does not coax the reader into hope. It lingers in the hollowed-out spaces that follow loss and gives the reader room to breathe there. She speaks with reverence — not just for the dead, but for those who survive them.
Her words resonate because they are not crafted for applause. They are crafted for presence. And that makes all the difference.
📚 Grief and Western Culture: A Problem of Pace
Devine’s message also raises critical questions about the culture we inhabit. The Western world — and increasingly global culture — tends to prioritize productivity, pace, and performance. Grief, in contrast, demands pause, introspection, and stillness. These are not characteristics the world rewards.
We are conditioned to view discomfort as a detour rather than a teacher. “Move on,” “Stay strong,” “Get back to normal” — these imperatives reflect a discomfort with grief, not an understanding of it. And it is not just individuals who struggle; institutions, including schools, workplaces, and even healthcare systems, are unprepared to accommodate long-term mourning.
Devine exposes this schism with clarity. Her book stands as a mirror to societal failures. It compels us to ask: What would a grief-literate culture look like? Would our workplaces offer compassionate leave not just in days, but in months? Would our medical professionals be trained not just to diagnose, but to witness suffering?
Her vision is not utopian; it is human. She invites us to design systems where sorrow is not silenced.
🪞 When Grief Becomes Identity
Another powerful theme running through the book is the question of identity. After a seismic loss, who are you? Are you still a spouse without your partner? Are you still a mother if your child has died? These are not theoretical questions — they are existential.
Devine does not offer definitive answers. What she does offer is permission to live the questions. She understands that grief alters your internal architecture. It rearranges you. And you may never fully return to who you were.
But It is OK That You Are Not OK reassures you that this transformation does not make you less whole — it makes you more real. Your pain is not a sign of emotional failure; it is a testament to love’s depth.
🧭 When Grief Meets the Public Eye
In today’s hyperconnected world, grief often becomes a public performance. Social media, with its curated lives and algorithmic attention, forces us to express our grief in consumable ways — hashtags, filtered photos, a few poetic lines of sorrow.
Devine warns us against reducing grief to a public ritual devoid of depth. She recognizes the need for community and expression, but she cautions us not to let that become the only mode of grieving. The internal work — the kind done in silence, in rage, in solitude — is just as necessary, perhaps more so.
Her book provides language for private mourning in an era of public oversharing. She teaches us how to create sacred, offline spaces where grief can just be, without judgment, without eyes.
✍️ Devine’s Style: A Study in Emotional Precision
A noteworthy element of the book — and what makes it stand out — is Megan Devine’s extraordinary command of tone. Her writing is gentle but unsparing. Her voice does not waver, even when it trembles. This literary tension mirrors the emotional tension of grief itself: fragile yet indestructible.
She uses repetition not for effect, but for resonance. Certain lines come back like echoes throughout the book, grounding the reader in emotional reality. She avoids euphemism. She resists closure. These choices are not aesthetic — they are ethical. She honors the lived experience of the grieving by refusing to dress it up.
In many ways, It is OK That You Are Not OK reads more like a companion than a book. It does not instruct you; it sits beside you. And that posture — humble, reverent, quiet — is what makes it so powerful.
🔗 Interpersonal Impact: How This Book Can Change Relationships
Beyond individual healing, Devine’s message has far-reaching implications for how we relate to each other. In a world that too often offers advice instead of presence, her teachings challenge us to become better listeners, better friends, better humans.
When someone in your life is grieving, the impulse to “make them feel better” is strong. Devine teaches you to resist that impulse — not out of cruelty, but out of love. Because real love does not force closure. Real love witnesses pain.
By reading this book, you do not just become more equipped to handle your own grief; you become more capable of holding space for others. You become less afraid of sorrow — yours and theirs.
🌎 A Universal Message with Deep Personal Roots
Though based on her personal loss, Megan Devine’s insights transcend her individual story. This is not a memoir — it is a manifesto. And while grounded in Western culture, her truths resonate universally. Every culture has its own rituals, beliefs, and myths around death, but the emotional currents — the waves of pain, love, and memory — are shared.
Whether you are in Mumbai or Minneapolis, grief speaks a language that needs no translation. Devine’s message cuts across those geographies. It is OK That You Are Not OK does not erase cultural diversity; it recognizes that beneath those differences lies a shared human ache.
🕯️ Reflection: A Letter to the Grieving
If you are grieving right now, I offer this to you:
You do not have to be brave.
You do not have to be functional.
You do not have to smile.
You are not too much.
Your pain is not a burden.
You are not wrong to mourn for years.
You are not selfish for being shattered.
You are not broken — you are in love. And that love has nowhere to go.
Let it ache. Let it howl. Let it be.
You are not alone.
It is OK That You Are Not OK.
🧱 The Silence After Sympathy
Often, the most challenging part of mourning begins when the condolences fade. The initial wave of support is comforting, but as time passes, the world moves on—while the bereaved remain anchored in their sorrow. It is in this silence that the depth of grief becomes apparent. True companionship means remembering long after others forget. To acknowledge someone’s continued pain weeks or months later is not only rare—it is radical empathy. This quiet remembering is the heart of compassionate presence.
📘 Who Is Megan Devine?
The power of It is OK That You Are Not OK comes not just from its content, but from its author’s own story. Megan Devine was a licensed therapist when her partner drowned in front of her. That loss shattered her — and transformed her.
Her credentials and personal grief converge to create a uniquely authentic voice. Devine does not write like a therapist from above; she writes as someone who has been broken — and rebuilt her voice around truth.
In writing It is OK That You Are Not OK, she gave the grieving a language they had long been denied.
💡 Why You Should Read This Book
If you are grieving, or love someone who is, It is OK That You Are Not OK is essential. It will not cheer you up. It will not give you a three-step plan. But it will validate your pain — and offer you the dignity of being understood.
Devine’s insights are raw, illuminating, and necessary. In a world that tells you to “move on,” It is OK That You Are Not OK reminds you that you are not alone, not failing, not lost — just human.
This is the kind of book that does not just speak to the mind; it speaks to the soul.
🙋♂️ Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q1: Is It is OK That You Are Not OK only about death-related grief?
No. While the author’s loss involves death, the book speaks to all types of grief — divorce, illness, trauma, even existential sorrow.
Q2: Is this book useful if I want to support a grieving friend?
Yes. It is OK That You Are Not OK offers profound insights into how to “companion” someone through grief instead of managing or silencing them.
Q3: Does the book provide exercises or coping strategies?
Yes, but they are not conventional. The emphasis is on presence, validation, and honest self-expression — not “fixing” the grief.
Q4: What makes this book different from other grief books?
Most books try to help you “move on.” It is OK That You Are Not OK helps you move with your grief — and that makes all the difference.
Q5: Is there a journal or workbook companion?
Yes. Megan Devine authored How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed, a companion journal full of prompts based on the book’s principles.
🧾 Final Thoughts: Truth in the Face of Tragedy
In closing, It is OK That You Are Not OK offers something far more important than hope — it offers honesty. And in grief, honesty is sacred.
Megan Devine gives voice to what most people are too afraid to say. That some pain does not go away. That love does not end with death. That sorrow deserves space — not shame.
At shubhanshuinsights.com, I explore books that challenge conventions and liberate the human spirit. It is OK That You Are Not OK is one of those rare books that could change the way we relate — not just to grief, but to life.